humor

Angry People Can be Funny

eric — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 14:09:29 -0600

I once had a client get mad at me because I decided to refund his deposit instead of struggling with his extreme nit-picky behavior.

We were only a couple of days into the the project which had mainly consisted of a couple of meetings and a brochure mockup. I think he was taken a back when I preferred to drop him as a client instead of get intimidated and bend to his every whim.

His parting words: "You'll be sorry! This product could have changed your family tree!"

Self-important people with anger issues always say funny things.

What About You?

What have you heard or what have people said to you that wound up being funny despite their angry attitude?

Thousand Foot Krutch Helped With The Yard Work

eric — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 14:33:17 -0500

I listened to Thousand Foot Krutch's latest album 'Welcome To The Masquerade' that certainly helped 'Bring Me To Life' when I got my mower to 'Fire It Up' and lay the 'Smackdown' on the yard that had gotten so 'Outta Control.'

I mowed down the alley before the city could send us 'The Invitation' to pay a fine for a code violation (Although some people have weeds so tall I want to 'Scream'). I just couldn't 'Look Away' from it any longer.

I was thankful to God for 'Watching Over Me' by pointing out the broken glass vase I almost ran over. That certainly would have been 'The Part That Hurts The Most'.

After all of that 'Forward Motion' I was glad I was 'Already Home' as my energy level started with an 'E For Extinction' and I started getting hot and hungry.

Miss Independence

eric — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 10:05:08 -0600

The downside to parenting is that you never know what what will come next. The upside is that you never know what will come next.

Yesterday, while trying to get our two year old to go sit on the potty (she's at that stage earlier than our older two were), she absolutely refused to sit down. She just wasn't going to do it. She was so defiant that she stood there and wet standing up; all over the stool, her pants and her socks. I was not exactly happy about that.

Today is a new day.

I had sat down to begin my work day while all three are at home playing in the living room. I hadn't been sitting long, maybe five to ten minutes, when our six year old son came running through our room to our bathroom, "Youngest is in our bathroom with the door shut and we don't know what she's doing, but I have to go to the bathroom real bad."

I got up and quickly got to the other bathroom and opened the door. There in front of me, stood Miss Independence holding her pants in her hand. "I can't get these back on," she said. I noticed she had on a pull-up (obviously, she got one out and put it on her self). "Where is your diaper?" I asked. "It's in the trash can," she replied. "Where did you go tee-tee?" "I tee-teed in the potty!" she said with excitement. I was excited for her and a bit confused considering yesterday's potty-training adventure.

I helped her get her pants back on and told her she needed to wash her hands. She got up on the stool in front of the sink and I turned the cold water on slightly so she could wash her hands. "That's the warm water," she said while rubbing the soap on her hands. "That's the cold water. The warm one is that one over there," I said. "Noooooo! That is the warm one and THAT is the cold one." She then followed me across the house to make sure I still understood she was right.

Sigh. It's still a slightly newer day.

I might add that before I could finish typing this up (in the ten minutes it took), I had heard some hard knocking, bouncing sounds coming from the living room. I went in there to see what it was. She was trying to play baseball with a foam bat and a real golfball.

The Energizer bunny wouldn't stand a chance against Miss Independence.

Our Children and Bible Characters

eric — Mon, 05 May 2008 10:48:21 -0500

Our children have a wonderful and funny imagination.

Overheard on the ride home from dinner after church (our older two):

Son: "Let's pretend we're Bible characters."
Daughter: "Okay!"

Son: "I'll be David. He fought Goliath."
Daughter: "Was Go-lie-uh a bad guy?"

Son: "Yes, and David killed him with a sling"
Daughter: "How about I'll be Mary?"

Son: "Okay."
Daughter: "And I'll have a gun and a spyglass... Look! [pretends to use spyglass] There's one!
There's Go-Lie-Uh! [bang bang bang - pretends to shoot her gun]

I never knew Mary, the mother of Jesus was so old (at the time of his birth) and was also a great marksman. Then again, maybe that's why she had a spyglass.

Backward-Compatible CSS Classes

eric — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 11:59:50 -0500

It's funny to look back and see what you've learned about CSS and web design, as a whole. Looking back, I know that my first sites were terrible. I didn't know about Doctypes, symantically correct HTML, etc.

For those of us that have forgotten what it is like to be a new web designer, web developer, or on the client side of things, I have provided a list of CSS classes to use as a reminder (in light-hearted jest, of course).

<h1 class="secretary-turned-designer"></h1> <h2 class="use-wherever-there-is-quoted-text"></h2> <h3 class="gosh-awful"></h3> <h4 class="gosh-awful capslock"></h4> <h4 class="gosh-awful use-a-font-that-only-we-have"></h4> <h5 class="because-i-dont-know-the-difference-between-a-header-and-bold-paragraph-text"></h5> <h6 class="i-dont-care-about-symantically-correct-i-just-want-to-use-this-as-the-page-header"></h6>

<p class="retina-burnin hot-pink-text-on-neon-green-background"></p> <p class="retina-burnin bright-blue-text-on-bright-yellow-background"></p> <p class="comic-sans-need-i-say-more"></p> <p class="i-like-frontpage"></p> <p class="how-do-i-edit-this-in-dreamweaver"></p> <p class="do-it-like-microsoft-word-does-it"></p>

<ol class="animated-bullets smiley-faces"></ol> <ul class="lets-use-a-lot-of-asterisks-instead"></ul> <ul class="because-i-think-centered-bullets-look-better"></ul>

<img class="use-logo-secretary-designed" /> <img class="make-logo-bigger" /> <img class="make-photos-of-boss-more-prominent" /> <img class="photos-of-employees display-none" />

<div class="where-is-the-table-drawing-tool"></div> <div class="the-site-looks-bad-in netscape-4-7 ie-4"></div> <div class="i-dont-see-whitespace-because-the-page-background-is-black"></div> <div class="copied-html-from-word-and-the-site-is-now-broken send-angry-email-to-designer"></div> <div class="hired-neighbors-kid"></div> <div class="why-are-css-gallery-sites-laughing-at-us"></div>

Now That's an Old Page

eric — Fri, 13 Jul 2007 09:21:35 -0500

Being a designer, I never have as much time to devote to my own site(s) as I would like, much less update, but seeing this page today made me feel better about the lack of updates:

Here's hoping they've had hardware upgrades after the year 107.

Bee Thankful for Your Hair

eric — Thu, 10 May 2007 16:42:45 -0500

I have always had thick hair (from my mother's side of the family) and I have usually been thankful for it, but mostly because it seems better than the alternative. I have also been growing out my hair a little bit (not too long, but enough to lay over more).

This past Sunday afternoon, I was mowing our backyard when, out of nowhere, a bee came after me and tried to sting me on the side of my head. I didn't see it coming at all. It just landed on my head and tried to sting me on my temple. Now, I know the sound of a bee, since I have been attacked before, but this one seemed to stay put on the side of my head and I hadn't been stung yet. Thinking quickly, I thought I could whip my shirt off, get him caught in it and kill him. After following through, and stomping on my shirt quite a bit, the buzzing continued.... on the side of my head.

This is when I realized the bee was tangled in my hair on the side of my head. I carefully tried to flick him out of my hair and, once I got him out, I was able to stomp on him right away.

I am not entirely sure what went through my head during most of this time as I was trying to avoid a getting stung, but, I am very thankful he tried to get at me above the earpiece on my sunglasses as my hair is longer there than below. After all was said and done, I am thankful for for my thick hair. Not only does it keep my head warm, apparently, it protects me from bees.

I am also thankful for our six foot, wooden fence that kept the neighbors from seeing my Dance of the Tangled Bee.